Often times when I’m out on my longer runs I witness seemingly happy families and couples–old and young. They’re in the parks celebrating, playing, walking and enjoying life together. Early on in my running journey this used to gnaw at … Continue reading
What’s a “meaningful maintenance rant”? Good question–begin rant here.
Maintaining my “healthy weight” has been just as big as a challenge as shedding the original 170lbs! NO JOKE. It’s easy to slip into the mindset of “I got this…I know what I’m doing…I’m FIXED…” and they go on. TRUTH is, none of that is accurate or appropriate! Maintenance is hard. That’s probably why the percent of people who reach their goal weight and maintain it long term is lower than 5%. CRAZY right??? We see these success stories all the time in media, on reality shows, and social media posts! I know, I got caught as one myself. But in doing that I started to lose focus on myself and my own well being. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about “not being fat” anymore. Truth be told, a part of my mind still thinks/sees me as that 345+ lbs girl.
Tonight I did something I hadn’t done in a long time until this year. Stress, lack of sleep, burn out, etc. got the best of me and I at anything that was edible and not nailed down. Didn’t really like (or have) much at my house so I went over to my parents house to eat there. I was tracking in the beginning of my day, even knowing that I was going to go well over my WeightWatchers daily PointsPlus target for the day. But when I left my house, it was all bets off. I ate to until the point where my head hurt, hurt to the point were it felt like the roots of my hair were being pulled out of my head. Like my hair had 5lb weight attached to each strand. It was pounding, my eye sockets felt swollen. My mouth was dry and the taste in it was less than appetizing. My throat even felt raw like I was getting a sore throat. My ears felt like I was getting an ear infection and at one point I had a weird back feed like sound echoing in them. Note, we’re still on just my head. I wanted to take a pill for it but stopped myself. Why? Because I realized I wanted the pill for the same reason I wanted the food. I wanted to stop feeling the pain.
Shall we go on? My chest felt heavy. My belly felt bloated and the more I ate the more it felt like I had a big balloon in there filling up with helium gas. I think i could feel my stomach getting so full with food that it was pushing my other organs out of the way and up to high parts inside my rib cage. I felt tight and I was wearing yoga like pants…those “give” a lot and so the fact that I felt constricted in them is beyond a bad sign. All this extra food weight made my legs feel like they couldn’t support the rest of my body. My knees started to ache already like I’d instantly added 10lbs.
At one point I felt like if I could just stick my finger—NOPE! Stop. That thought was just as bad/hurtful as the idea of me eating to make my feelings go away. Both just as damaging even at opposite ends of the spectrum. I turned to my 48oz water bottle and started sipping away. Something had to help me end this slippery slope! It all felt like an instant hangover. Which with the drinking bouts I had in my younger days, I swore I’d never drink to that point again because of how miserable that feels.
I share this graphic thought process because I know I’m not alone out there in doing this. I know because others are just as honest as I am about the struggle to be healthy. This is not just about calories in versus calories out. This goes much deeper. I knew when I had satisfied my food as fuel need. I went on for hours more of intermittent eating though. I woke up tired, not wanting to get up out of bed this morning–not sure why. I never made my bed (which is unusual for me) and to top it off, I walked less steps today than I did yesterday (and even if you added up both days, I still wouldn’t total up to 10K steps).
It’s 10pm PT now and I haven’t put food in my mouth for about two hours. I’ve showered. I’ ve continued to sip my water and my headache has reduced to a minor/dull ache. I tracked (what I could remember) what I ate and pre-tracked for Saturday. I’ve already declared it a new day and fresh start. What bothered me so much that I did this? Good question. Still haven’t answered that. But i’ll get there. Maybe a look into my “burn book” (more on that in my next post) will clue me in on what is “weighing me down.”
From one food addict to one who hasn’t realized they are one….
Food isn’t the answer. You first have to know the question you are asking in order to find your answer. STOP, PAUSE, REFLECT, ASK…be mindful to what is going on in you, around you, about you…you have the answer…the answer is in your heart. So now I say good night. I’m disconnecting for now to do that for myself.
Thank you and in good health,
I’ve seen and heard a lot of inspiring things over the course of the last couple of days and while I may be tired from the full schedule that I’ve been managing, I’m smart enough to know that I’m seeing and hearing all these things for a reason! I’ve said it before and still believe “EVERYTHING in our lives happens for a reason and exactly when it’s supposed to happen.”
I’ve been working on this post for over a week now…Recently, I saw a good one “REAL > perfection”. Why do I think this is so great? Simple, there’s always a part of me that gets caught up in the whirlwind and strives for perfection. But that’s not what it’s about and SURPRISE–I’m NOT perfect!! The REAL me is far from perfect and perfect isn’t even realistic, so why even attempt at making it part of my goal(s). I could sit here and point the finger at others, but that’s not realistic. I’m the one who makes the choice. And if I feel out of control then that’s a result of the choices I’ve made.
These last 12 months have been my first that my goal has been to maintain my weight and not lose it. What a roller coaster this has been! I learned quickly, that I knew how to lose but I had no idea what it was like to maintain a healthy weight. At first I dropped some more, then I maintained my goal weight for a bit, but after that a series of events happened and I’ve been in a gain mode for a while. Maybe it’s all the traveling I’ve been doing this year, maybe not. Maybe it’s the personal struggle of trusting myself and my abilities, maybe not. But even if it is due to all that, my goal has always been to live and lead a healthy life. That involves being able to transition when those times arise in my life. Making my new healthy habits fit. How do we do that?
I said it in the beginning of the year and I’m realizing how today…2014 was a year of challenges. Don’t get me wrong, challenges aren’t a bad thing. They change us and often for the better–making us stronger, better, and wiser. Those things that push us out of our comfort zone are what expand our comfort zone until it no longer exists. I’ve done this before. For example, I started this journey by walking to be active. Then I tried going faster little by little. I worked my way up to jogging a mile without stopping and I still remember to this day how great that felt…I ran, WITHOUT stopping, a whole mile! Then I ran/walked my first organized 5K. I’d intermittently throw in some 10Ks to kinda prove that I could do more. Finally someone said to me, “You know you could run a half.” I looked at her and thought she’d lost her mind or wasn’t talking directly to me! LOL….love this woman though, then and still now! She told me I could and I showed her (and myself) that I was able! It’s the same in life. Constant cycle of doubting ability (or assuring a confined comfort zone) and breaking those barriers down. I’m realizing that I’m still going through these cycles and will until I no longer have barriers/a comfort zone to break through. Is that realistic? Maybe. I may not live that long to find out though as it could take many many years to accomplish.
There’s another great quote that comes to mine as I type this…”It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you aren’t.” **I’ll pause to let you ponder that one** OK, ready? It got to a point for me when I realized the more people would challenge me to do bigger and better things. The more people would start to see this new me and the potential that I was (apparently) exuding, would tell me and encourage me to think/do bigger and bolder goals. It was this point in my life that I recognized that I was the one holding myself back and I was doing it every day, sometimes multiple times a day. How? Every time the words “I can’t…” came out of my mouth, I was doubting my own abilities. I was saying couldn’t even before I tried. The day I realized that was the last day those words ever came out of my mouth again. It took a while to stop thinking them–especially when a certain trainer would have me do atomic push-ups on the TRX. But it was challenges like that which made me stronger. All this spread beyond my fitness and strength goals.
But since that peak, I feel as if I’ve lost sights of goal setting and achieving. When I was losing there was always a goal out there–lose weight, hit my goal weight. But since then…since then I forgot that I need to now set regular goals. That this journey with my weight and health is never over and always present in my life. That every choice I make ripples into the next and they all affect my wellbeing. Now that I’ve said this, I need to focus forward and work towards a maintainance lifestyle. Which requires regular self assessments, healthy choices all around, positive thinking, living life active and reflection/me time to rest and recoup. My focus first is assessment which I’ll address in my next blog post. Followed by a blog post about healthy choices, and so on. This is what my “Quest for a RE-ReNewedMe will entail. This is my choice, I will post about it (all–good, bad, and ugly) because I’m REAL and far from perfect. And because the ultimate goal is really about continuing to strive and become a better version of my self while living my vocation to help others–BALANCE.
In Good Health,
@ReNewedMe, aka Dre
So it’s Friday and I’ve pretty much am a week into my new mindset and life philosophy of #EatPrayRun and #FindingBalance. I think my small changes starting out have been good. Look, this isn’t my first “rodeo” and I don’t have a lot of weight to shed like I did before, so I know my small changes will be slow to show and subtle. But the difference is that nowadays I’m much more accepting of that. So what do I have to be proud of this week? Well for starters I didn’t quit on myself!! Hello, HUGE victory right there!!!! I half joke but am also totally serious when I say that I’m usually the only thing in my way when I haven’t reached a goal I set out for myself. It usually comes down to my mindset. So I’m well aware and very much an advocate for #HealthyMind = #HealthyBody = #WellBeing. People say you are what you eat, but I think it’s more you are what you think. That’s the root of it all. We know what’s good for us and what’s good fuel for our bodies, but we choose otherwise. I know healthy food makes me feel good from the inside out–better energy, my skin is clearer, no more headaches, etc.
Many of you know that a good amount of my 170 lbs shed was done after I went back to WeightWatchers. The plan wasn’t anything earth shattering but the support I got from my meeting group/leader and the accountability that it gave me helped me reach my weight goal. Yesterday I battled with myself about whether or not I should go to a meeting while I’m in LA. The thing I was hung up on (and asked a bunch of people about) was that I’d have to weigh in. I knew I had a great week but I wasn’t necessarily ready to get on a scale yet. The good thing about where I’m at this week–no scale. I can often get handcuffed to a scale and stuck with what it reads. I know that living a healthy lifestyle is more than that. As a Lifetime WW member, I’m only required to weigh in once a month. The answers from my friends and family varied. Honestly, I could’ve asked a million people and the decision ultimately come down to me.
I got up and went this morning…weighed in and everything. And you know what? I gained and it didn’t phase me one bit. I wasn’t “whatever” about it, I wasn’t upset about it, I honestly wasn’t anything about it. It was astonishing to me. I sat down listened and actively participated in the meeting. Which was nice to be at considering I was somewhere where no one knew me as a leader so I could 100% be a member! And I left to go run the rest of my errands, in a good mood. I was happy because the results of the scale didn’t deter the rest of my day! It didn’t ruin my day. It didn’t give me the attitude of “well F that I’m going to go eat whatever I want”, etc.
I surprisingly felt empowered by the whole experience. I went grocery shopping for good/healthy food, I went to the gym, I got my work done, I cooked my dinner, etc. I even planned my next day and actually through my return home! Bring it on new week!
So what’s my update from my first week of #EatPrayRun and #FindingBalance….do what makes you FEEL good…genuinely. I talked to family and friends this week–one convo even got me motivated to get up and out to a run–prior to I was finding an easier way out to do my workout. I ate what I wanted to and it was healthy too! I logged/tracked what I ate, even if I exceeded my daily target. Once I did, I didn’t feel guilty about it. Which, for me, often leads to consuming even more out of spite. Say YES to you and NO to others. What do I mean by that? Well…sometimes you need to say ‘no’ to others requests/needs of you in order to provide self care for yourself. It’s just like the instructions on the airplane when the oxygen masks come out–you put yours on before helping others. Take care of your needs and then, if you have the time, energy, money, etc. go and help the others in your life. Forgive yourself. May sound silly but I noticed that often times my actions are reactions from something else and they are usually rooted in me feeling guilty about something. So I’m learning to forgive myself when necessary.
More to come next week!
Happy and healthy weekend!
I’m a leader who called out sick this week for some meetings. Why? Because I caught whatever is going around and I’m down for the count! I’ve tried to write this blog I’ve titled numerous times, but I end up allowing myself to get pulled away by other things. But I sit here now and recognize that this post isn’t just for others but also for myself. Had I sat down and written this the numerous times I started to before, it probably would have come off more like and rant or venting session from me. But my intent for this is just the opposite. This message goes for mothers, fathers, care takers, teachers, etc. ALL of you out there you naturally put other’s well-being before your own on a day to day basis.
When I decided to join the WeightWatchers team I remember thinking that this would be a great way to hold myself accountable to my maintenance efforts. Quite the opposite has lived out…I find myself putting my job(s) before my own needs and it’s having side effects on my body. I spent this last week sick. I don’t get sick often, in fact since I started taking better care of myself and living a healthier lifestyle I pretty much haven’t gotten sick at all. But this past winter I’ve caught bad colds twice from interactions with others who’ve chosen not to stay home and take care of themselves but go out and end up infecting others. I know I’m not living in the time of the plague but still….PEOPLE, I’m not asking you to stay home if you are sick for my sake but for YOUR OWN.
Why do we neglect to take care of ourselves or to do so last instead of first? I find that many of my old habits like this are coming back in my new role as a WW Leader. In talking to other leaders in my territory I find that many of them have similar habits and it saddens me. Why is is that we who are so motivated to help others neglect to help ourselves? In reality I offer my best self to my members when I am at my best. They inspire me, they motivate me and they encourage me through their own actions to be the best version of myself.
So I’m leaving this post short and with a sweetness to finish….Leader, members, all people of this world…please don’t forget to take care of yourself first and foremost so you can really offer the best versions of yourselves to those you encounter! Take time for yourself on a daily basis, eat well, be active, sleep soundly, and wake up with hope in your heart that each day is the day you will positively impact someones life! Set yourself a solid foundation so you can build great things upon it!