Wanted By All But ONE…

Often times when I’m out on my longer runs I witness seemingly happy families and couples–old and young.  They’re in the parks celebrating, playing, walking and enjoying life together.  Early on in my running journey this used to gnaw at … Continue reading

My Passion Project–My Purpose & Myself

Biggest and most challenging project I’ll likely ever take on–myself.  *SIGH* Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a bad sigh nor is that a complaint.  I’m a worthy project to spend that kind of time and effort on.  Easy is … Continue reading

Life isn’t perfect…

I’m sitting in the office alone–by choice actually and it’s kind of nice–18 floors above the bustling city streets below me.  It’s a typical San Francisco summer day–sunny but cool and the fog isn’t far from the Bay.  It hasn’t felt much like a Friday to me and maybe it’s my Eeyore like feeling that I’ve had since yesterday afternoon.  Transitions often have this effect on me and I’ve just learned to ride the wave.    I will still often try and seek out peace but it usually finds me once I sit down and just be.  Sure enough, here I am writing and I can do so now…peace is here, I can feel it.  Feels kind of like one of my Mom’s hugs–I miss those.

I may not blog here as regularly as others, but I do write every morning on my BART ride in to The City.  They are raw words of wisdom on one page.  I write off the cuff and without coffee in me.  I’ve noticed they’ve become less about me and more about the lessons I’ve learned by living my life.  Not sure who my inner self plans to pass this on to but it’s like I’m writing this to pass it on.  “Keep smiling…Love unconditionally….Be true to you…”  All like I’m writing to someone else, speaking generally yet specifically about myself/life.  I don’t even remember what I wrote about this morning.  But this evening I feel like there’s something more on my mind.  Bear with me…

I had a friend probe me about what’s going on….why this change or shift that I’m going through.  That conversation made me realize that it’s not one thing, person or situation that has this shift/change occurring.  It’s not dependent on anything other then myself.  My self finally realizing that I need to live my life for me.  Make time for me.  Be healthy for me.  Run for me.  Smile and be happy because of me.   Love me.

I’m a giver.  I give of myself before making sure my basic needs are met often times.  I make sure everyone else is happy and taken care of before I make sure I am.  I’m ok with this.  But I recognize a giver has a greater challenge.  We can be givers but we need to be more conscious of balance.  A giver will burn out if the output is more then the input.  Simple things can be energizing for me–a smile, compliment, a hug, a just because…

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Welcome to my life…I started this almost a month ago and never finished it!  The month between July 31 and August 31 has been a challenge and evolving period for me the last eight years of my life.  I’ve learned to only expect the unexpected.  I’m an avid planner and think ahead kinda gal but this month, I usually throw caution to the wind and go with the flow.  I’m a live in the moment, day by day kind of creature these 30 days.  Why such the 180* switch?

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Let me try this for a third time–it’s a charm right?  We’re on the brink of the holidays and I’m still trying to figure out where 2016 has gone!  I know many have been inundated and saturated with politics this year, but for me 2016 was a lot more then that.  This year I became a caretaker again, I’ve paved a new career path, I moved on from a six year relationship, i’ve come into my own through happiness and so much more.

For those who weren’t aware, last Fall I began the search for my next career step. It was a whirlwind two weeks of back to back interviews, calls and research.  I finally had a few days to myself with friends and I was planning to use it to clear my mind and make my decision.  While I was in Philadelphia preparing to run RnRPhilly, I was standing on a random street corner downtown and I received the call.  My Dad called to advise me that he was going to need a heart valve replacement.  Time froze and the busy downtown street suddenly had an eerie silence.  It was like I was taken back to the day I was sitting on the couch at my parent’s house and my Mom told us she was diagnosed with cancer.  So many emotions and no idea how to handle them.  I braced myself against my friend and listened to every word my Dad said.  Now a year later, he’s not only doing well he’s doing better then expected.  Don’t get me wrong, this hasn’t been an easy journey to get here.  There were a number of doctors visits, pre-ops, nervous pacing in the hospital, sleepless nights, early mornings, etc.  But I’d do it all over again to make sure he would thrive.  I’m grateful for the journey and the outcome!

For a moment, at the beginning of all that, I thought I was going to have to postpone my next career move but I landed at a place that was supportive of my situation and worked with me to make it through.  To that point, this (is it still new a year in?) new position has brought a lot into my life.  I’ve experienced the expected “ups and downs” of working life, but I’ve chosen to grow from it instead of let it get me down.  I’m not perfect, I’ll make mistakes but I will learn from them.  I’ve met some impressive and amazing people–young bright minds, wiser older ones, and many more.  I’ve also met the one who makes me happier.  Yes, happier–I make me happy, he makes me happier.  I’ll get into that later but it’s because of work that we even crossed paths (I literally mean that).  Doing what I do, choose to do, can have it’s moments–moments when I feel like I’m trying to manage a tornado, hurricane and blizzard all at the same time.  But then there’s those moments when the storm clears and the sunlight of gratitude shines.  Makes doing what I do worth it to me.  I’m a “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” kind of girl and I live it.

As my life was starting to settle back into being my own again, I had a moment hiking in my favorite local spot.  Well more then a moment, I was hiking for about three hours and then it happened…the tears just started streaming down my face.  I knew, I knew the feeling I felt but I didn’t know how to handle it yet.  I finally went home not because of a distance or time goal was met but because I finally felt what I needed to feel that day.  I didn’t have the answer(s) yet but I didn’t need it.  I allowed that feeling to develop and evolve for almost three month before I finally knew and had the words I needed in order to express it.  Then it was over.

Some planned travel helped transition me into my new found independence.  I guess I’d been independent for a while though being that we were in a long distance relationship.  The trips were new, eye opening and awe inspiring!  The first two being international and two places I’d never been before–Canada and Hong Kong!!  My trip to Canada was to Vancouver specifically.  Four days in this beautiful city to run and yoga was the best thing I could do for myself at that point in time!  I’ll be back for sure!  Hong Kong was to witness my BFF Stef and her (now) husband Rob wed!!  I’d never been to Asia at all so this was a first on so many levels!  Seeing their love and that of their closest friends and family reminded me what life is really all about.  Venturing off to explore on my own renewed that love in myself!  Finally (and maybe not so adventurous) I went back to LA for the first time since leaving my last job.  This trip, while simple, allowed me to really let go of anything I was holding on to from that and move on.  It also reminded me of how far I’ve come in my journey as I completed my 30th half marathon there thanks (in large part) to Rock N Roll and the amazing people I’ve met through running their races–many of which I saw while running there!!

I’ve done this–life–on my own before, as an introvert it doesn’t bother me.  So I was prepared to do it again.  In the process of tidying up to do so, he crossed my path–well I think I technically crossed his.  He tells our story of how we met so well even I get lost in it like I’m watching some made for TV movie–LOL!  We’ve taken it one day at a time but I feel like I’ve known him for years.  Two so different yet so very similar in many ways.  Our difference compliment each other and our similarities blend.  As I said before he makes me happier.  I am my own happy–it’s not dependent on another.  I’m grateful for him.

So here we are…a year later from when this all started to unravel on me.  Progress?  ABSOLUTELY!! Better for it?  No argument there!  Lighter?  In one sense, yes–another, no LOL.  But this is life…it isn’t perfect, it (often) doesn’t go “my way”, sometimes it’s not fair (or at least feels like it) and there’s plenty of challenges that are faced along the way.  But you know what?  It’s ALWAYS worth it!  Life isn’t perfect, but it’s always…ALWAYS worth it.  If I knew then what I know now, I’d do it all over again.  I may have some bumps and bruises but I survived and more importantly I’ve thrived from what I’ve experienced and I plan to keep doing so.  Life isn’t perfect but I’m beyond GRATEFUL for every moment of it that I get to experience!

Meaningful Maintenance rant…

What’s a “meaningful maintenance rant”?  Good question–begin rant here.

Maintaining my “healthy weight” has been just as big as a challenge as shedding the original 170lbs!  NO JOKE.  It’s easy to slip into the mindset of “I got this…I know what I’m doing…I’m FIXED…” and they go on.  TRUTH is, none of that is accurate or appropriate!  Maintenance is hard.  That’s probably why the percent of people who reach their goal weight and maintain it long term is lower than 5%.  CRAZY right??? We see these success stories all the time in media, on reality shows, and social media posts!  I know, I got caught as one myself.  But in doing that I started to lose focus on myself and my own well being.  Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about “not being fat” anymore.  Truth be told, a part of my mind still thinks/sees me as that 345+ lbs girl.

Tonight I did something I hadn’t done in a long time until this year.  Stress, lack of sleep, burn out, etc. got the best of me and I at anything that was edible and not nailed down.  Didn’t really like (or have) much at my house so I went over to my parents house to eat there.  I was tracking in the beginning of my day, even knowing that I was going to go well over my WeightWatchers daily PointsPlus target for the day.  But when I left my house, it was all bets off.  I ate to until the point where my head hurt, hurt to the point were it felt like the roots of my hair were being pulled out of my head.  Like my hair had 5lb weight attached to each strand.  It was pounding, my eye sockets felt swollen.  My mouth was dry and the taste in it was less than appetizing.  My throat even felt raw like I was getting a sore throat.  My ears felt like I was getting an ear infection and at one point I had a weird back feed like sound echoing in them.  Note, we’re still on just my head.  I wanted to take a pill for it but stopped myself.  Why?  Because I realized I wanted the pill for the same reason I wanted the food.  I wanted to stop feeling the pain.

Shall we go on?  My chest felt heavy. My belly felt bloated and the more I ate the more it felt like I had a big balloon in there filling up with helium gas.  I think i could feel my stomach getting so full with food that it was pushing my other organs out of the way and up to high parts inside my rib cage.  I felt tight and I was wearing yoga like pants…those “give” a lot and so the fact that I felt constricted in them is beyond a bad sign.  All this extra food weight made my legs feel like they couldn’t support the rest of my body.  My knees started to ache already like I’d instantly added 10lbs.

At one point I felt like if I could just stick my finger—NOPE! Stop.  That thought was just as bad/hurtful as the idea of me eating to make my feelings go away.  Both just as damaging even at opposite ends of the spectrum.  I turned to my 48oz water bottle and started sipping away.  Something had to help me end this slippery slope!  It all felt like an instant hangover.  Which with the drinking bouts I had in my younger days, I swore I’d never drink to that point again because of how miserable that feels.

I share this graphic thought process because I know I’m not alone out there in doing this.  I know because others are just as honest as I am about the struggle to be healthy.  This is not just about calories in versus calories out.  This goes much deeper.  I knew when I had satisfied my food as fuel need.  I went on for hours more of intermittent eating though.  I woke up tired, not wanting to get up out of bed this morning–not sure why.  I never made my bed (which is unusual for me) and to top it off, I walked less steps today than I did yesterday (and even if you added up both days, I still wouldn’t total up to 10K steps).

It’s 10pm PT now and I haven’t put food in my mouth for about two hours.  I’ve showered.  I’ ve continued to sip my water and my headache has reduced to a minor/dull ache.  I tracked (what I could remember) what I ate and pre-tracked for Saturday.  I’ve already declared it a new day and fresh start.  What bothered me so much that I did this? Good question.  Still haven’t answered that.  But i’ll get there.  Maybe a look into my “burn book” (more on that in my next post) will clue me in on what is “weighing me down.”

From one food addict to one who hasn’t realized they are one….

Food isn’t the answer.  You first have to know the question you are asking in order to find your answer.  STOP, PAUSE, REFLECT, ASK…be mindful to what is going on in you, around you, about you…you have the answer…the answer is in your heart.  So now I say good night.  I’m disconnecting for now to do that for myself.

Thank you and in good health,

Andrea

Unbelieveable Me….

I’ve been very aware–for whatever reason–this week when I’ve wanted to turn to someone, anyone, else for support and guidance this week.  From the smallest thing of “where/what do you want to eat…” to “…guess what just happened…what do you … Continue reading

It’s time…

“Whether you’ve seen angels floating around your bedroom or just found a ray of hope at a lonely moment, choosing to believe that something unseen is caring for you can be a life-shifting exercise.” ~Martha Beck I’ve been reading a … Continue reading

Shrove Tuesday–What is it, why do many “celebrate” it & what I’m confessing to you?

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So as a kid we always had breakfast for dinner on Shrove Tuesday.  That’s how i knew it growing up “Shrove Tuesday”, the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.  I did grow up Catholic so I partially fasted for Lent by observing the no meat on Ash Wednesday and all the Fridays.  We didn’t call it “Fat Tuesday” or Mardis Gras but I knew others who did, and took it for all basically being the same–splurge before the fasting/cleansing period of Lent.

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My Mom would go all out for this breakfast/dinner feast!  We’d get home from school that afternoon and the griddle for the pancakes would already be set up.  She’d have a fresh dozen eggs in the fridge for us and fresh bacon from the local butcher!  Sometimes she’d even make fresh hashbrowns and fresh squeezed orange juice!  It felt like a bigger weekend breakfast on a weekday most times!  It was like a holiday breakfast on a random Tuesday night!  I have very fond memories of those evenings.

Now a days we’ve shifted to taking our “brinner” out to a restaurant.  Something just isn’t the same without her here to do it all with/for.  The griddle hasn’t seen the light of day for almost a decade.  It wasn’t so much a day of being gluttoness but a day of gathering and feasting together.  We didn’t go “hog wild” all day long.

Today, my Dad and I did breakfast for lunch instead since I had dinner plans elsewhere.  I love breakfast any time of day but I’m pretty standard and keep it usually to an egg white omelet with fixings and wheat toast, dry.  But I was feeling nostaglic and this is the one day I always go all out for my breakfast not at breakfast meal.  I ordered the pancake breakfast–two buttermilk pancakes with eggs (whites), and bacon! YUMMY!  With a busy morning of work and calls, the time away from my desk, visiting with my Dad was more than welcoming!  Even the walk down the hill in the chilly California weather was welcoming!

Afterwards I wondered though, what’s the real meaning of the term “Shrove Tuesday”–especially the shrove part.  So, typical Dad response, I Googled it!

This moveable festival is determined by Easter. The expression “Shrove Tuesday” comes from the word shrive, meaning “absolve“.[1] Shrove Tuesday is observed by many Christians, including Anglicans, Lutherans, Methodists and Roman Catholics,[2] who “make a special point of self-examination, of considering what wrongs they need to repent, and what amendments of life or areas of spiritual growth they especially need to ask God’s help in dealing with.”[3]

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The part of the excerpt that stood out the most to me was the part at the end where it states that people make a conscious effort of self reflection–what they’ve done, what needs to change, and what areas they need help in.  I’ve been looking to do this, looking to find the time and effort to do just this!  2014 was challenging on many levels–physically, emotionally, personally and professionally.  I started 2015 with renewed spirit but not feeling completely in control and back on a good/healthy track.

I’m looking to change this.  I feel like I’ve been taking short cuts by looking for answers everywhere but to myself.  So as we wrap up this Shrove Tuesday, I’d like to renew me.  For a while I was doing something new and positive every Lent instead of giving something up.  But this year, I’m going to do a combination of these two practices.  I’ve found myself craving sugars and the not so good for me carbs.  I know “we can eat anything in moderation” but these things really do react with my body.  But much like a drug, they can be hard to quit and moreso when there’s an emotional connection there.  So for Lent I’ll be weening myself off of processed sugars/sweetners and the carbs that my body doesn’t like–white flours, bread, etc.  My addition of something positive will be my re-implementation of “me time”–quiet, self reflection time.  I’m also adding a “Move It, Love It” aspect to this by increasing my activity.  I did just sign up for my 20th half marathon after all!

I commit to this and to myself for 40 days, beginning Ash Wednesday.  It’s 40 days of taking care of myself…I worked so hard for so long to let go and forgive myself for all the burdens, hurts, and wrong doings I was “carrying” in weight for decades.  I’m not going to “repack”!  I’ve learned.  I’m going to forgive myself, no guilt, and move on.  Get back to my basics…self love, care, and patience.

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On a Quest for a RE-ReNewed Me

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I’ve seen and heard a lot of inspiring things over the course of the last couple of days and while I may be tired from the full schedule that I’ve been managing, I’m smart enough to know that I’m seeing and hearing all these things for a reason!  I’ve said it before and still believe “EVERYTHING in our lives happens for a reason and exactly when it’s supposed to happen.”

I’ve been working on this post for over a week now…Recently, I saw a good one “REAL > perfection”.  Why do I think this is so great?  Simple, there’s always a part of me that gets caught up in the whirlwind and strives for perfection.  But that’s not what it’s about and SURPRISE–I’m NOT perfect!!  The REAL me is far from perfect and perfect isn’t even realistic, so why even attempt at making it part of my goal(s).  I could sit here and point the finger at others, but that’s not realistic.  I’m the one who makes the choice.  And if I feel out of control then that’s a result of the choices I’ve made.

These last 12 months have been my first that my goal has been to maintain my weight and not lose it.  What a roller coaster this has been!  I learned quickly, that I knew how to lose but I had no idea what it was like to maintain a healthy weight.  At first I dropped some more, then I maintained my goal weight for a bit, but after that a series of events happened and I’ve been in a gain mode for a while.  Maybe it’s all the traveling I’ve been doing this year, maybe not.  Maybe it’s the personal struggle of trusting myself and my abilities, maybe not.  But even if it is due to all that, my goal has always been to live and lead a healthy life.  That involves being able to transition when those times arise in my life.  Making my new healthy habits fit.  How do we do that?

I said it in the beginning of the year and I’m realizing how today…2014 was a year of challenges.  Don’t get me wrong, challenges aren’t a bad thing.  They change us and often for the better–making us stronger, better, and wiser.  Those things that push us out of our comfort zone are what expand our comfort zone until it no longer exists.  I’ve done this before.  For example, I started this journey by walking to be active.  Then I tried going faster little by little.  I worked my way up to jogging a mile without stopping and I still remember to this day how great that felt…I ran, WITHOUT stopping, a whole mile!  Then I ran/walked my first organized 5K.  I’d intermittently throw in some 10Ks to kinda prove that I could do more.  Finally someone said to me, “You know you could run a half.”  I looked at her and thought she’d lost her mind or wasn’t talking directly to me!  LOL….love this woman though, then and still now!  She told me I could and I showed her (and myself) that I was able!  It’s the same in life.  Constant cycle of doubting ability (or assuring a confined comfort zone) and breaking those barriers down.  I’m realizing that I’m still going through these cycles and will until I no longer have barriers/a comfort zone to break through.  Is that realistic?  Maybe.  I may not live that long to find out though as it could take many many years to accomplish.

There’s another great quote that comes to mine as I type this…”It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you aren’t.”  **I’ll pause to let you ponder that one**  OK, ready?  It got to a point for me when I realized the more people would challenge me to do bigger and better things.  The more people would start to see this new me and the potential that I was (apparently) exuding, would tell me and encourage me to think/do bigger and bolder goals.  It was this point in my life that I recognized that I was the one holding myself back and I was doing it every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  How?  Every time the words “I can’t…” came out of my mouth, I was doubting my own abilities.  I was saying couldn’t even before I tried.  The day I realized that was the last day those words ever came out of my mouth again.  It took a while to stop thinking them–especially when a certain trainer would have me do atomic push-ups on the TRX.  But it was challenges like that which made me stronger.  All this spread beyond my fitness and strength goals.

But since that peak, I feel as if I’ve lost sights of goal setting and achieving.  When I was losing there was always a goal out there–lose weight, hit my goal weight.  But since then…since then I forgot that I need to now set regular goals.  That this journey with my weight and health is never over and always present in my life.  That every choice I make ripples into the next and they all affect my wellbeing.  Now that I’ve said this, I need to focus forward and work towards a maintainance lifestyle.  Which requires regular self assessments, healthy choices all around, positive thinking, living life active and reflection/me time to rest and recoup.  My focus first is assessment which I’ll address in my next blog post.  Followed by a blog post about healthy choices, and so on.  This is what my “Quest for a RE-ReNewedMe will entail.  This is my choice, I will post about it (all–good, bad, and ugly) because I’m REAL and far from perfect.  And because the ultimate goal is really about continuing to strive and become a better version of my self while living my vocation to help others–BALANCE.

 

In Good Health,

@ReNewedMe, aka Dre

Focus Forward–Letting go of yesterday and embracing today for a better tomorrow!

Better tomorrow

Everyone carries something from their past into every day, I’m no exceptioni.  In fact, this is probably my greatest weakness and burden in my life.  I know that I’m the only one who has control over it.  In my day to day life, I’m a purger…can’t stand clutter!  But when it comes to memories and past hurts I can’t seem to purge as easily.

Throughout my weighloss journey I recognized that my weight was due to some of this “baggage” that I’d been carrying around for (years in some cases) too long and I wasn’t even conscious of it!  So as these pasts started to resurface, I”d deal with them and then purge.  My running actually helped a lot with this process because I was able to expell any energy these feeling/memories left in me and would enter a type of meditative state in the process.

Just like how my weight loss (I’m learning) is not a “one and done” process, the purging of these types of feelings and memories/experiences is an ongoing process.  2014 has been a challenging year, I said it was, something in me just knew that I’d have a year of overcoming ahead of me and boy was I right!  But Instead of wallowing in said challenges, I’m embracing them for what they are (growth/learning opportunities) and moving on.  I’m a firm believer that “everything in life happens for a reason” and at the time in our lives when it’s supposed to.  Our control is in how we handle these things that happen.

People often ask how I was able to find such success after a devasting loss and my answer is simple.  In my case (and in many others) I feel that you have two choices in those moments.  1) You can choose to get up (as challenging as that may be in itself), dust yourself off and learn/grow from what happened.  Or 2) you can stay knocked down and wallow in your loss.  I didn’t want to continue to feel the way I did after my losses–days of endless sadness and despair.  I wanted to feel happy again and not guilty for living my life.  But in that moment I also realized that I didn’t have much time left if I went back to living the way I was.  I was reckless and careless with my life and I wanted many years of thriving ahead of me.  So instead of “going back to normal” I sought out my new normal and embraced it.  It made for some defininte “growing pains” but those were good “pains” and they made me a better person.

I had that wallowing feeling rresurface the other day.  Like many, I’ve been struggling with maintaining a healthy weight and I found myself slipping back into old habits–and I”m not just talking about how/what I eat.  Seriously!  I had an aching pain in my stomach because of something that happened this weekend and it immediately flashed me back to my life about 7 years ago and I didn’t like it one bit!  It was a blessing because it was a very eye opening moment to how much I’ve changed both inside and out!  That pain made me realize that even though I may have slip ups every now and again moving forward, I’ll never be that girl that I once was, again!  I almost couldn’t believe how grateful for that I was.  I spoke my mind to the person(s) who needed to receive it and that was that.  Since that feeling, I’m continuing to move forward.  I see the rest of my 2014 and I embrace it with all it has in store for me.  I know it’s going to close on a happy note and I’m looking forward to that!

Most importantly, I feel empowered!  In that pain moment i remembered what it felt like to not feel in control or empowered of myself.  It shook me to my core and I needed that.  A gain of 15lbs is simply that.  But my choices and actions after realizing that are what count more.  I know that I’m not slipping back into the person I once was.  I found myself seated at a restaurant with friends at 10pm at night and I wasn’t even hungry but we ate because it was somewhere we can’t go at home and I was there.  I split an order with a friend and only ate half of my portion.  While i could easily get wrapped up and consumed in I ate even though I was not hungry. I chose to focus on the fact that I recognized that in the moment and while I made the choice to taste while there, I didn’t over indulge and moved on.  Before I would have never even done a “gut check” of if I was hungry or not and I probably wouldn’t have split a dish either!  So celebrating the little things!

This extra weight will come off with time.  I’m far from a couch potato…but it will take longer than it used to because I don’t crash diet.  I live and lead a healthy lifestyle…I will clean up this week and in time the weight will start to come off.  But–same as with my past–I’m not stressing over it!  My focus is forward and in order to keep it there, I’m letting go of yesterday and exciting for what’s ahead!

Week 1 Complete of #EatPrayRun–AKA #DreGettingHerGrooveBack

So it’s Friday and I’ve pretty much am a week into my new mindset and life philosophy of #EatPrayRun and #FindingBalance.  I think my small changes starting out have been good.  Look, this isn’t my first “rodeo” and I don’t have a lot of weight to shed like I did before, so I know my small changes will be slow to show and subtle.  But the difference is that nowadays I’m much more accepting of that.  So what do I have to be proud of this week?  Well for starters I didn’t quit on myself!!  Hello, HUGE victory right there!!!!  I half joke but am also totally serious when I say that I’m usually the only thing in my way when I haven’t reached a goal I set out for myself.  It usually comes down to my mindset.  So I’m well aware and very much an advocate for #HealthyMind = #HealthyBody = #WellBeing.  People say you are what you eat, but I think it’s more you are what you think.  That’s the root of it all.  We know what’s good for us and what’s good fuel for our bodies, but we choose otherwise.  I know healthy food makes me feel good from the inside out–better energy, my skin is clearer, no more headaches, etc.  

Many of you know that a good amount of my 170 lbs shed was done after I went back to WeightWatchers.  The plan wasn’t anything earth shattering but the support I got from my meeting group/leader and the accountability that it gave me helped me reach my weight goal.  Yesterday I battled with myself about whether or not I should go to a meeting while I’m in LA.  The thing I was hung up on (and asked a bunch of people about) was that I’d have to weigh in.  I knew I had a great week but I wasn’t necessarily ready to get on a scale yet.  The good thing about where I’m at this week–no scale.  I can often get handcuffed to a scale and stuck with what it reads.  I know that living a healthy lifestyle is more than that.  As a Lifetime WW member, I’m only required to weigh in once a month.  The answers from my friends and family varied.  Honestly, I could’ve asked a million people and the decision ultimately come down to me. 

I got up and went this morning…weighed in and everything.  And you know what?  I gained and it didn’t phase me one bit.  I wasn’t “whatever” about it, I wasn’t upset about it, I honestly wasn’t anything about it.  It was astonishing to me.  I sat down listened and actively participated in the meeting.  Which was nice to be at considering I was somewhere where no one knew me as a leader so I could 100% be a member! And I left to go run the rest of my errands, in a good mood.  I was happy because the results of the scale didn’t deter the rest of my day!  It didn’t ruin my day.  It didn’t give me the attitude of “well F that I’m going to go eat whatever I want”, etc. 

I surprisingly felt empowered by the whole experience.  I went grocery shopping for good/healthy food, I went to the gym, I got my work done, I cooked my dinner, etc.   I even planned my next day and actually through my return home!  Bring it on new week!

So what’s my update from my first week of #EatPrayRun and #FindingBalance….do what makes you FEEL good…genuinely.  I talked to family and friends this week–one convo even got me motivated to get up and out to a run–prior to I was finding an easier way out to do my workout.  I ate what I wanted to and it was healthy too!  I logged/tracked what I ate, even if I exceeded my daily target.  Once I did, I didn’t feel guilty about it.  Which, for me, often leads to consuming even more out of spite.  Say YES to you and NO to others.  What do I mean by that?  Well…sometimes you need to say ‘no’ to others requests/needs of you in order to provide self care for yourself.  It’s just like the instructions on the airplane when the oxygen masks come out–you put yours on before helping others.  Take care of your needs and then, if you have the time, energy, money, etc. go and help the others in your life.  Forgive yourself.  May sound silly but I noticed that often times my actions are reactions from something else and they are usually rooted in me feeling guilty about something.  So I’m learning to forgive myself when necessary. 

More to come next week!

Happy and healthy weekend!