#ProjectSelfLove: Anti Bullying

I’ve been quiet since my last ‘loud’ post. There’s been a lot going on–in general. I’ve been in a new role and trying to build my team since beginning of September. I’ve been working my side job–a for fun job that also brings in decent money to help pay down my student loan debt. I’ve been working on my relationships–family, partner and friends. All that and still trying to take care of some basic self needs.

So now what? Big vent session and then silence? Not entirely. I’ve been working on two blogs in the mean time and both sparked by everyday encounters. This one I’m posting first because I think it’s important. Both are but I think I can definitely be better at this and don’t think I’m alone.

As a kid I was bullied and because of that I wasn’t someone who bullied–at least not that I’m aware of or intentionally. But as an adult I find myself being a bully. I bully myself. I’m ruthless, brutal and constant.

I’m not even sure where to go from there, I’ve sat here and stared at my screen for a bit. Seeing that in black and white is eye opening. It’s literally stopped me in my tracks. I don’t think I’m alone in this though. I don’t think I’m the only one out there who negatively talks to herself, who has negative thoughts, self doubt or insecurities. I don’t think I’m alone.

Did you know that October is Anti Bullying month? Sure there’s a day or month for everything nowadays but this I think is important and applies/affects all of us. So while most of the conversation this month is spent about being nicer to others, this post is about being nicer to ourselves. I think if we were we would be nicer to others. You know the saying “treat others how you want to be treated” but if we’re being unkind to ourselves guess what we’re going to be to others.

Someone noticed my self bullying recently and challenged me to spend a week thinking positively–of myself, my abilities, my relationships, etc. That challenge was about two weeks ago but it’s still my weekly/daily goal–face the negatively and squash it with positive.

I’m on the train commuting 90+ minutes to work today. There’s office workers, executives, construction workers, teachers and many other laborers on this train with me. We’re all up and out of our beds well before the sun is even remotely present. We’re all here with our goals, our stressors, our hopes, our struggles, our dreams, our failures….we’re all here. Sharing space. Sharing a ride. Sharing our moment of solitude in a day. I’m not alone.

I wake up each day and try. Try to make it better then the day before. Try to aim and reach higher. Try to do and be better. Today I challenge all of us to be better to ourselves–genuinely. Speak and think kinder. Act and be more thoughtful of ourselves. Breathe and exhale more. Celebrate and learn. Assume the best and trust in yourself. This is my goal. To be more kind…to myself and others.

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