Perfectly REAL

Just two words–“Perfectly Real”–and yet so loaded and powerful.  I’ve stated before that my goal hasn’t been around making the “perfect body” but being healthy and fit, at least for me.  The journey itself has been far from perfect!  I’ve tried to sit down and write this post a number of times but never end up finishing it…ironic?  Maybe so, or that’s the message.  That if my goal were about perfection, it would be an unrealistic goal that I’d never actually (naturally) achieve.  Plus what is “perfect” to one person may be far from perfect to another and in the end the only definition and opinion that matters is my own.

To be perfectly real and honest, this journey has been ongoing since I was a young child.  Petite until only about three and then always the “big kid” from five years of age and on.  Being in a constant state of watching my weight…watching it rise and not in a good way.  It was the root of many struggles for me growing up.  I can’t even imagine how kids make it now a days with the instantaneous and long-term effects of social media out there.  Bullying was hard enough when it wasn’t blasted out on social media.  But my real struggle was internal.  So much that it got to a point where I considered…well, lets just say that I wouldn’t be here writing this today if I had chosen one of the options I had considered for myself.  Today, I’m choosing to officially and permanently let that part go and not carry that baggage with my into my future–doubt and fear are rooted there.  I have no need or room for that moving forward.  Instead of dragging it around, my choice is to learn from it and move forward.  What did I learn?  Well, that I was put here for a reason and that reason extends well beyond myself.  So taking my life at a young age would have been selfish and irresponsible of me.  I didn’t think it through much; it was hard to see anything past my pain.  It used to make me sad to think of that time of my life but now I’m grateful for it.  It was one of the first real breakthroughs in my life. In addition to, it was the first time (that I could remember) that I allowed my Dad into that deep space in my mind and heart, that I always only let my Mom into.  My Dad is and was a great dad, but he travelled a lot when I was young so I often went to my Mom for comfort.  I remember her coming in to my room on a number of occasions when I was going through this dark point of my life and thinking back, I can see the hurt in her eyes.  She tried to help and fix me but couldn’t, and that was hard.  My Mom was great at that.  I often naturally want to turn to her for that even still today and I can’t….at least not in the way that I used to.

I say all that to say this.  Not having her here to “save me” is what led me to making my first real decision on my own.  That was a power that I’d never felt and will never forget.  It’s also a reminder that I am able.  It make take some time and effort on my part, but I can do it.  This “perfectly real” me that I talk about is a bit of self acceptance and a dose of realistic thinking/goal setting.  I still shoot for the stars but instead of focusing on the stars, I look at my first step to get to there.  Knowing I can is a major aspect in this.  If I don’t think I can, than I eventually won’t.  In addition to, I’ve learned, it’s not about if someone else got there (or gets there) before I do, it’s about when and how I get there.   Being me, the real me, not who I think people want me to be is key.  My body is able…it’s not a body builder’s body, it’s not an elite runner’s body, it’s not a couch potato, it’s not a professional athlete’s, it’s not a model’s…it’s mine.  I’ve worked long and hard for it too.  No six-pack, some muscle definition (from hours of hard work put in), less fat then muscle now a days, smaller than it’s ever been as an adult, excess skin, but in the end it’s all mine.  Not perfect but definitely perfectly real.  Perfectly capable and able to assist in achieving my hopes, dreams and goals that I have in this life!

Perfectly real is a mind-set at its core.  Being true to one’s self, values, beliefs, and goals.  Being open and honest.  Being confident and humble.  Being grateful and gracious. Appreciating how I got here instead of complaining about all the struggles.  It’s those challenges that have made me stronger and better and more appreciate of life.

Be you…be the perfectly real you that you are meant to be and love it!

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