Everyone carries something from their past into every day, I’m no exceptioni. In fact, this is probably my greatest weakness and burden in my life. I know that I’m the only one who has control over it. In my day to day life, I’m a purger…can’t stand clutter! But when it comes to memories and past hurts I can’t seem to purge as easily.
Throughout my weighloss journey I recognized that my weight was due to some of this “baggage” that I’d been carrying around for (years in some cases) too long and I wasn’t even conscious of it! So as these pasts started to resurface, I”d deal with them and then purge. My running actually helped a lot with this process because I was able to expell any energy these feeling/memories left in me and would enter a type of meditative state in the process.
Just like how my weight loss (I’m learning) is not a “one and done” process, the purging of these types of feelings and memories/experiences is an ongoing process. 2014 has been a challenging year, I said it was, something in me just knew that I’d have a year of overcoming ahead of me and boy was I right! But Instead of wallowing in said challenges, I’m embracing them for what they are (growth/learning opportunities) and moving on. I’m a firm believer that “everything in life happens for a reason” and at the time in our lives when it’s supposed to. Our control is in how we handle these things that happen.
People often ask how I was able to find such success after a devasting loss and my answer is simple. In my case (and in many others) I feel that you have two choices in those moments. 1) You can choose to get up (as challenging as that may be in itself), dust yourself off and learn/grow from what happened. Or 2) you can stay knocked down and wallow in your loss. I didn’t want to continue to feel the way I did after my losses–days of endless sadness and despair. I wanted to feel happy again and not guilty for living my life. But in that moment I also realized that I didn’t have much time left if I went back to living the way I was. I was reckless and careless with my life and I wanted many years of thriving ahead of me. So instead of “going back to normal” I sought out my new normal and embraced it. It made for some defininte “growing pains” but those were good “pains” and they made me a better person.
I had that wallowing feeling rresurface the other day. Like many, I’ve been struggling with maintaining a healthy weight and I found myself slipping back into old habits–and I”m not just talking about how/what I eat. Seriously! I had an aching pain in my stomach because of something that happened this weekend and it immediately flashed me back to my life about 7 years ago and I didn’t like it one bit! It was a blessing because it was a very eye opening moment to how much I’ve changed both inside and out! That pain made me realize that even though I may have slip ups every now and again moving forward, I’ll never be that girl that I once was, again! I almost couldn’t believe how grateful for that I was. I spoke my mind to the person(s) who needed to receive it and that was that. Since that feeling, I’m continuing to move forward. I see the rest of my 2014 and I embrace it with all it has in store for me. I know it’s going to close on a happy note and I’m looking forward to that!
Most importantly, I feel empowered! In that pain moment i remembered what it felt like to not feel in control or empowered of myself. It shook me to my core and I needed that. A gain of 15lbs is simply that. But my choices and actions after realizing that are what count more. I know that I’m not slipping back into the person I once was. I found myself seated at a restaurant with friends at 10pm at night and I wasn’t even hungry but we ate because it was somewhere we can’t go at home and I was there. I split an order with a friend and only ate half of my portion. While i could easily get wrapped up and consumed in I ate even though I was not hungry. I chose to focus on the fact that I recognized that in the moment and while I made the choice to taste while there, I didn’t over indulge and moved on. Before I would have never even done a “gut check” of if I was hungry or not and I probably wouldn’t have split a dish either! So celebrating the little things!
This extra weight will come off with time. I’m far from a couch potato…but it will take longer than it used to because I don’t crash diet. I live and lead a healthy lifestyle…I will clean up this week and in time the weight will start to come off. But–same as with my past–I’m not stressing over it! My focus is forward and in order to keep it there, I’m letting go of yesterday and exciting for what’s ahead!