Tomorrow is a NEW DAY!!

Even on our “lowest” days there’s always a silver lining–tomorrow is a new day!  Tomorrow is an opportunity to startover, press the reset button, begin anew, refresh…  All too often when we feel like we are in a funk, fallen and can’t get up, at our lowest of lows; we forget and neglect to see our blessings in life.  This may sound like I wake up every day with birds chirping and sun shinning–fact is my life is far from a scene out of Cinderella!  I am more of a morning person then a late night owl, but that’s beside the point.  I have my days where I’d just prefer pulling the covers over my head and spending the day there.  I live in the San Francisco Bay Area so if you know it, you know that most mornings start with a dense fog with the chance of sun by noon–if we are lucky!  But the point of this post is not about my local weather, but the importance of our attitude on life. 

We need to be more accepting.  More accepting of ourselves–the perfections and imperfections.  More accepting of others–we are so quick to judge without knowing the whole story.  Someone who just cut you off may have just experienced a death in the family, job loss, or emergency.  Before you lay on your horn and end up only upsetting yourself, take a moment and think if it’s really worth it.  We need to be more accepting for our feelings.  While not every day is “sunshine and butterflies” for me, I’m ok with that.  Sure on those “Eeyore” days, it’s a little bit harder to believe myself but I know that with each day comes a beginning and an end–therefore this too shall pass.  In addition to, I know that it’s those tougher days that helps me appreciate my happier ones.  I’d have little to nothing to compare my ups if I had no downs.  Being ok with the above happening in my life–sometimes–makes going thru them a little bit easier.  It turns a perverbial flashlight on during my dark moments.  It allows me to be ok with with feeling what I feel at that time.

Being positive is not a 24/7/365 requirement/need.  You’d probably experience more frustration than anything else if you set that as your goal.  Ah, but setting goals is key and setting realistic ones even more so!  So set a goal of being positive about something–anything–at some point each day.  Just like taking the time to allow yourself to feel what it is you are going through is important–keeping some positivity in your life helps too!  It’s an attitude of gratitude!  On my hardest days it could be the simplest of things like gratitude for having the ability to get out of bed, my health, or a bed to sleep in.  Anything works. 

Communication~  The funny part about this for me is that I usually prefer to be a “hermit” when I’m having an “Eeyore” day.  But when I say communication is key, I don’t necessarily mean you need to surround yourself with people.  Sometimes it’s just posting a blog.  It’s easy to be social nowadays without actually physically socializing. Sometimes you need that outside influence to remind you that you are OK.  You may just be OK, but OK is better than nothing.  It’s the reminder that whatever it is that you are battling internally, isn’t the end of the world–even your’s!  For example, when I was down about my mom yesterday, I was reminded of all those other people out there who have tragecially lost a loved one–or are losing a loved one.  While not having my mom around is hard, watching her suffer was harder.  I pray for those who are going through that.  The communication that I partake in allows me to reflect on my situation, feelings, emotions, state of being…they allow me to see that positive aspect of my life at that point in time.  It that “a ha” moment…it allows you to refocus your focal point!

That’s all I have for now.  Someone may have just needed the reminder that my subject line reads, someone else may need an aspect of the content of my blog, or maybe I just needed to communicate what was going on for me.  Either way, something positive came out of this post and for that, I am grateful!



On this day…

I’m already crying and haven’t started typing…I precede this post with a forewarning of sorts. I’m here to get out of my head and put what’s been in my head and heart today in black and white. I don’t write for sympathy or comforting words, just to verbalize my thoughts/feelings on this day.

On this day three years ago I was holding my mom for the very last time. I held her as she left this world. I hugged her, felt her touch, and smelled her one last time. On this day three years ago my life changed in a way I never imagined it would. On this day three years ago I lost my best friend.

I still can vividly recall how the whole evening unraveled on me. I still sometimes feel like that lost girl wandering through the events of a loss. Getting jerked out of mourning to plan a funeral, play host to the many people who come to show their final respects, getting shocked back into reality through having to continue living your own life without her. Reliving memories through every item of clothing pulled from her closet/drawers. Wondering if there was something that you could have done to prevent you from being in the moment your are currently in–without them. Having to face people asking you day in and day out “how are YOU doing–no really?” Knowing they mean well but so tired of being asked the ‘loaded’ question. Suddenly thinking about every future life event that they will no longer physically be a part of. Finally figuring out you’ve fallen, deciding whether or not you want to get up, and then figuring out how to pick yourself back up.

I need to state this…I have an AMAZING support system! I have friends who are family to me. I have family who I’ve grown leaps and bounds with through all of this. I’ve found my life–the one that God was just waiting on me to dry my eyes to see clearly enough in front of me. I’d give anything to have my mom back in my life physically. But I’m also grateful for all the blessings that have come since her passing. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if I hadn’t lived the life I have–the good, the bad, the ugly. I would go back and live it all over again–even the hardest parts.

When my mom really started to lose her battle she had a surgery she was going into and she promised us she was going to make it b/c she had so much left to do for us (in particular marry and produce grandchildren for her). She lightened the moment with that and I remember the smile that lit up her face as she saw a little of the fear leave my eyes. No matter what, she’d always kept her promises to us and I knew she would keep that one. She fought through a whole lot more for 30 more days after that moment to prove that she was keeping that promise too. When this day came three years ago, I made a promise to her. She fought long and hard to stay around for us. Make as many memories as she could before she knew she couldn’t anymore. Holding her, I told her that it was ok….it was ok to go now b/c we’d be ok. We’d take care of each other and she didn’t have to be in pain anymore. And at that very moment I knew it was true and I meant it. Even sitting here tonight I know and feel the same way about that promise to her. I’ve lived three more years without her and I’ve been blessed in more ways than I could count. I’ve not only survived but I’ve thrived. I’ve kept my promise to her and seen her work her ways to keep her promise to me.

On this day every year I’ve mourned her loss, but on every other day of the year I live out our promises to each other and celebrate the life she blessed me with. On this day, some year I will only cry tears of joy and not of sorrow. On this day every year I’m reminded of how precious of a gift life is through her. On this day every year I’m reminded just how strong I am by surviving my (always feared) weakest moment in my life. On this day, I’m reminded of the best female role model I’ll ever know…my mom.

                                                       In Memory of JFH 9/12/47-8/31/08