This year and every year prior (well for the last 3 years) our group of girls has gotten together around Thanksgiving and we write a “letter” for what we are thankful for that year. Some, most, are quite touching. We reflect on the year and sometimes those memories are happy and others are sad. Usually, I’m not going to lie, I leave my letter to write at the last minute but this year it just came to me…I’m thankful for time.
A lot has gone on recently….babies (born and on the way), weddings, move ins, back to school, revelations, growth, loss, “aha” moments, arguments, break ups, soul mates, etc. So much time….
I recently found out my mom was stage four cancer from the beginning. And when I found out I was surprised b/c I wasn’t upset about not knowing from the beginning. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that my mom isn’t here but it does make me more grateful for the last 18 months I did get with her. Statistically, she shouldn’t have had that much time. We were blessed…I was blessed with time….
After a few family mishaps I met with one of my cousins to “hash” things out…finding out about my mom’s cancer came up. She said, “See aren’t you upset that you didn’t know that sooner?” I replied no…I looking back I wouldn’t change how we as a family did anything about her cancer. I wouldn’t have wanted to act like it could be her last Holiday with me just b/c of how sick she was. Why would I treat her like she was dead already? No, I’m not upset, I happy that I was blessed with the time I got with her…that we all got with her.
About the same time of the loss of mom I experienced being unemployed….I got a whole year of that. But looking back I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t be happy if I was still there, I probably wouldn’t have had the time I needed to properly grieve the loss of my mom and grandma, and I wouldn’t be on the path I am now…the right path towards a better and happier future. The time off gave my time to be with myself to reflect and time with my family to connect. I used to talk to my mom daily about life. I didn’t have that anymore…but with that time my dad and I grew closer. I tell my dad everything now…the time blessed me with a better relationship with my dad, I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
During the time off I also had my “aha” moment for what I wanted to do the rest of my life. Not finding a job was frustrating at first but then I realized that maybe I wasn’t finding one b/c I wasn’t looking in the right place for one. So I thought about it. What do I really want to do the rest of my life? After a great deal of time pondering this question I realized that teaching was what I was put here to do, high school to be specific and so here I am months later back in school on the path to be a teacher. Ironically, I got two jobs following my start of my 2nd chapter of college life…I’m back in this game but I wouldn’t be if I didn’t use the time I got wisely.
Time off allowed me to take the pounds off too! For years I’ve worked at losing and keeping off the weight and this year I made that happen. I can’t really tell you what specifically it was but the time spent working out made me happy and healthy. It gave me time to get away from all my frustrations and clear my head. Working out got me back on track with life. With the weight loss it’s giving me more time here with friends, family, and loved ones.
Again, with this time off I got to spend more time with my friends. I reconnect with old friends and became closer with new friends. I learned who were my true friends and who would be there for me no matter what. Time is too precious for us to waste it. I came to really understand that while tomorrow is always within reach it is never in our grasp.
Finally, with this time I also seemed to find something I wasn’t really looking for at the time…or so I thought I wasn’t. At first I hesitated to reflect on this but I realize with all the time invested and the feelings invested it is more than worthy of the time to reflect. The feelings I have felt over the last 9 months are feelings that I have never felt-mostly great feelings but scary at times being that it is a road not traveled yet for me. I’m walking into this somewhat blind-well metaphorically speaking, we know I’m literally practically blind. But this person has become so close to me and me with him all the while being more than 2,000 miles away. The time spent with this person has been time well spent…it has brought us closer together making 2,00+ miles feel like 2 inches. It’s had both of us reflect on both of our paths to realize that we fit into each other’s lives. Loving him is natural and right. While I don’t know what tomorrow may hold for us, I treasure today and every day we have together.
This year and every year I am thankful for time. I chose to not hold grudges, to workout any difference I may have with someone, to not go to bed angry, to seize each moment & memory, to feel blessed for each day I wake up, to make the most of every challenge God throws at me, to be healthy, to love and be loved.