New Chapters…

So much has gone on this last week for me, let alone the last month or year.  So lets try and sum this up quickly so I can get to the point of this blog….

So a year ago August 31st my mom past away.  She battled 18 months with cancer and lost that battle.  She put up a good fight but losing her, my best friend, my support, my role model left me with a feeling like no other.  I was told to prepare for her loss, to get ready for her death.  But to me that made no sense what so ever!  Why prepare for not having in her life when I have her right now!?!  I will have the rest of my life here to cope with not having her why would I miss out of all of the valuable time that I do have with her?  That is what is wrong with us nowadays….we spend too much time hung up on our pasts and too much time worrying about our futures that we don’t enjoy our time right NOW!

For the longest time I was saying how I would go back to school but I had to make myself more “financially stable” before I went back to school.  I had to do this or that before i went back to school to work on my masters….Funny i’m unemployed now and I’m back in school.  I’m the most financially strapped then I have been in my entire life and I’m back in school….what was I so concerned about?  I had this idea in my head that life was supposed to happen a certain way and I was so focused on making sure that everything happened in the order I thought it was supposed to happen in that I was missing out on SO much in the now!

So this week I started back at school.  I have two classes on campus three days a week and then I am spending two days in classrooms observing teachers on how they teach.  In addition to that I need a way to finanacially support myself so I am looking at two part time jobs for some income so I can continue to go to school and not live out of a cardboard box!  Needless to say that I am now on a strict budget financially and a strict schedule as well!

The ironic part is when I thought my life was going to “end” it really just got started.  I always feared losing one or both of my parents young, like my parents did.  I thought I could never survive something like that like they did.  But after all of the metaphorical clouds passed…..it was so clear!

So here I am a year later…starting school…AGAIN….but working towards the goal I have always been striving for and was too clouded to see. 

I’m closing chapters of my career, love and life past and starting a whole new chapter with a career goal I’ve never been so passionate about, friends and family who love me, and more financial smarts then I’ve had.  Leaving my past behind me where it belongs and taking one step at a time forward towards the life I want.

Dont go making assumptions, this isn’t all a sunny day walk in the park!  I have a $2200 school bill due by the end of the semester plus rent and all my other regular expenses.  I have two part time jobs, classes to attend as a student, and classes to attend as an observer, and a lot of distance in between me & my biggest “cheerleader” three time zones away!

But what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger…and everything in life happens for a reason!  I live it and believe it…

Words of wisdom from someone special….

“…you live every day as it’s the last you will see someone.  Meaning you try to reconcile hurt, etc.  We do this because we are fragile creatures with a limited lifespan so we have to make everything that we associate in our lives count because one day we will cease to exist in everything but memories.”

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One thought on “New Chapters…

  1. Focusing on NOW has been the biggest struggle. I too often live for the future as most of us do. I'm trying to be vigilent in thinking and living for the present and it has made a difference – less stress, worry, and anxiety. An excerpt from the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle:"Give your fullest attention to the doing than to the result that you want to achieve through it. Give your fullest attention to whatever the moment presents. This implies that you also completely accept what is…when you act out of the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action""So do not be concerned with the fruit of your action – just give attention to the action itself. The fruit will come of its own accord…The moment your attention turns to the NOW, you feel a presence, a stillness, a peace. You no longer depend on the future for fullfillment and satisfaction – you don't look to it for salvation." Something of all of us to keep in mind.

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